


Be My Angel

by darksideofthefandom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel & Charlie Bradbury Friendship, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, CastielxDean - Freeform, Charlie Bradbury Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Destiel - Freeform, Doctor Castiel, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Falling In Love, Gay, Human Castiel, M/M, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Past Abuse, Protective Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, cas, castiel novak - Freeform, faith - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 03:30:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14127138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darksideofthefandom/pseuds/darksideofthefandom
Summary: Castiel and Dean Winchester meet on a night ruled by pain, vodka and faith. As they vent about life's miseries as strangers it quickly escalates to something more. It may not feel like a match made in Heaven, but none the less they are pulled together by a power neither of one can control, no matter how much they try. Each time they fall apart they fall right back into each other's arms until eventually it might become too much for both of them bare.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading this is my first published FanFic on here I hope you guys like it! -this is not a completed story so anything could happen-
> 
> Warning: This story will contain mentions of past abuse, violence, substance use and abuse, depression, and homophobic language. This can be triggering for a lot of peoples so I just want to mention it before. I'll add warnings at the beginning of chapters that contain graphic violence or hate speech or really anything I think needs to be noted.

"What do you mean you're not coming?" Dean plugged one ear and yelled into the phone. The party was livid and the music loud as he tried to find a place to talk. The club was packed with sweaty bodies that were doing nothing, but getting in his way. "Lise, come on," he pleaded looking around and pushing through the crowds.

"Dean listen, I can't keep doing this. Watching you get drunk and then dragging you back to my place so you can throw up and pass out on my bed. I can't Dean. It isn't good for me or you," she cried through the phone fed up with Dean's actions. He was becoming a drunk and not showing up to work. He was a tortured soul and drinking had become his was his way of dealing.

"Lise, babe it's fine. We can get past this," Dean pushed through the crowd out the door onto the busy street.

"I'm sorry Dean. Please forgive me, but-" she choked back a sob and Dean walked to his car leaning against it listening to her cry. Dean's face was hard and broken as he tried to understand that she was leaving him. "We haven't been good in a long time. You know this,"

"Is there any way I can change your mind?" He was desperate and didn't know how he was ever going to live without her. "Please Lisa,"

"I'm sorry. It's for the best. Goodbye Dean." She hung up the phone. Lisa was his first real love and he had always thought she would be his last. They met in their last year of high school and loved each other, but like most good things, they came to an end. When she entered collage they drifted apart and Dean started to drink and party more than ever before. She'd try her best to get through to him, but he had built a wall so tall and thick it was impossible to get over.

"Son of a bitch," he threw his phone on the ground smashing it into pieces, "Fuck." he climbed into the impala and the car skid out of the parking lot leaving tire tracks in it's path. This car, he thought, this car is all I need. He drove through the city, to the nearest liquor store and bought the strongest liquors he could find, before driving back to his apartment. It took a lot to get him drunk anymore, he was as far away from a light weight as possible, but he knew how to reach his goal. When he knew what he wanted he went for it without questioning it and at this moment he want to feel nothing. Within minutes of entering his door he was lying on the floor in front of his record player, back to the couch listening to Jimi Hendrix play the guitar. Dean searched for sense in the song, but Hendrix never made any sense. Dean screamed in frustration throwing the empty beer bottles scattered around the room at the wall. The glass shattered into a thousand pieces and he heard Ms. Kai, the angry bitch next door, yell through the wall for him to keep it down.

He sat staring at the shattered glass and ignoring her protests before picking up a bottle of liquor.

"First bottle," he took off the lid of the first bottle drinking a quarter of the burning liquid, black vodka. Alcohol always made him forget and forgetting was all he wanted to do right then. Forget everything Lisa helped him through and forget the way she was the best friend he ever had.

After half of the bottle was gone, Dean in his drunken state walked out of the apartment and into the elevator. He walked down a side road that was empty except a few cars that pasted into the night, singing Led Zeppelin to himself and stumbling. He was able to walk two blocks away from his apartment building before he fell over his own two feet. A wave of nausea washed over him as he threw up the vodka on the side of the road.

"Hey!" A man in a trench coat came out of a hole in the wall diner next to where Dean was kneeling. The man was built with messy brown hair and a stubble covering the lower half of his chiseled face. Piercing blue eyes that matched the loose tie around his neck shined bright even in the darkness watching Dean with horror and pity. "Are you alright," the man asked.

"I'm fine. I just need coffee," Dean walked swaying through the diner door being held open by the man. He got to the counter not realizing the man was what was keeping him up right before slumping in a bar seat. Dean had noticed how attractive mystery man was even in his drunken state as mystery man sat down beside him and nursed his own cup of coffee. "Who are you?" Dean asked.

"Who is asking?" The man replied staring at Dean.

"Dean Winchester," Dean said sipping a cup of coffee after downing a glass of water within seconds.

"I am Castiel," the man said drinking his own coffee.

"Pleasure to meet you Cas," Dean chugged a his cup of coffee before flagging down the waitress for another one. "So what is a guy like you doing in a place like this,"

"Castiel." The man corrected, but Dean ignored. "I am buying an intoxicated man coffee. Is it helping," Castiel said drinking his own coffee which was filled with cream and sugar unlike Dean's which was black.

"Yeah, thanks." Dean's eyes were locked on Castiel as he drank the last drop of coffee before asking for another.

"Gum?" Castiel asked pulling out a pack of mint gum and offering one to Dean after taking one for himself.

"Thanks," Dean took it from Castiel gladly. The bitter taste of vomit in his mouth was slight, but the gum helped entirely.

"Why are you here?" Castiel asked looking Dean up and down. Dean was a well built man with golden brown hair spiked and messy like he had been running his fingers through it. He had tired green eyes and beautiful full lips. His shirt was simply black with his signature leather jacket worn over top. Around his neck hung an amulet that Dean loved, a gift from his little brother, Sam.

"A bottle of vodka and the end of a relationship," he said drinking his coffee and being disappointed when it wasn't spiked with alcohol.

"I am sorry that must be dificult. Would you like to talk about it?" Castiel asked reaching for Dean's arm.

"No," Dean said finishing his coffee. Castiel was a bit taken back by the man, but he supposed Dean must not be one to express his emotions. Castiel was never too good with others, but he could read them when they were vulnerable. 

"I recently went through a break up as well. She loved me and I care about her, but I knew that we were never going to be anything more than friends no matter how much she tried. It hurt me a lot to see her so upset, but I couldn't ever love her the way she loves me," Cas told him staring straight ahead.

"What was the dame's name?" Dean asked slow and tired.

"Meg. What about your significant other?"

"Lisa. She is the best and I didn't deserve her. I loved her, I really did," Dean paused drinking his coffee, "But a little while ago I fell out of love with her. I knew she didn't love me anymore and I stopped loving her the way that I used to. I guess I should have expected this, but I don't know how to live with out her," Dean was still intoxicated or else he would have never told a person he just met about him or his relationship. "This all doesn't feel real just yet. Her breaking up with me and I'm not sure how I even ended up here? Are you my guardian angel or something?" Castiel laughed and shook his head. Dean smiled for what felt like the first time in forever.

"You will be able to live. But alcohol poisoning may kill you if you are not careful," Castiel said in a deep gravelly voice.

"You have a point there, but vodka is the only thing that makes sense anymore." Castiel could see that the beautiful man in front of him was broken which made him want to help Dean, heal him if he could. Castiel would always try to help everyone. He cared so much and wanted to save everyone from seemingly inescapable faiths. When he looked at Dean he thought he saw light behind his eyes, even if had been locked away for a while. He had hope that Dean might let him help restore that light fully, if he gave him a chance.

"So what do you do for work?" Castiel asked Dean sipping his drink quietly.

"Mechanic. Fixing cars, I've been doing it since I was old enough to walk and will probably do for the rest of my life, but I bar tend at night for extra cash," Dean stirs his coffee with a sliver spoon despite drinking it black, "What do you do?" Dean asked staring into his dark cup.

"I'm a student, studying to be a doctor, but I work part time as a nurse's assistant," Castiel said proudly.

"Wow, really? You seem like the type so that's not that much of a surprise,"

"What do you mean?" Cas furrowed his eyebrows making a cute crease in the middle of his forehead.

"I've known you for what? Half an hour?" Cas nodded after checking his watch, for a hardly sober man Dean had a very good sense of time. "You've been helping me the entire time. You seem like the type who wants to help people,"

"Thank you Dean. I try and help when I can. I don't like knowing I could have done something more," Cas shook his head drinking he own coffee staring straight a head. They sat in silence drinking their coffee and staring off into space.

"Why couldn't I stay in love with her, Cas?" Dean said rubbing his eyes exhausted.

"Love is a complicated thing. You cannot chose who you love," Dean smiled at him lightly and Castiel smiled back. Smiling through the pain and confusion was sometimes the only thing they could do. So they sat there together drinking coffee, at three in the morning, thinking of what they could do to fix everything that they had no control over.

"I'm sorry I just walked in here and dumped all this on you. I'm normally not like this," Dean bumped Castiel's arm.

"Do not apologize. A drunk man's words may be the most honest ones I've ever listened to," Castiel shrugged leaning towards Dean. Castiel was exhausted after studying all night wished he was in bed, but he wasn't ready to leave Dean.

"I'm not that drunk anymore. A little tipsy maybe," Dean said sobering up. Most of the alcohol had left his system when he threw up and the coffee was putting his stomach to rest.

The boys sat in silence staring at the wall leaning against each other.

"Lisa cheated on me," Dean laughed a dark, heartbroken laugh and Castiel's smile faded away completely. He didn't know how to respond to that. "She never told me, but I found out," Castiel reached for his hand and tried to comfort Dean. "Funny how those things work out. I didn't even love her anymore, but damn did it kick my ass." Dean looked at concerned Castiel with scared eyes before he shook his head and let go of Castiel's hand.

"I'm sorry Cas. I think I need to go," Dean said unexpectedly still shaking his head.

"Dean? Can I drive you home? You are still intoxicated and could get hurt walking alone," Castiel said. He wasn't even sure Dean knew the way back to his place at this point and selfishly Castiel didn't want him to leave. He liked Dean and thought they could be good friends.

"No. I'm alright. Thanks for the coffee Cas. I'll see you around," Dean left through the diner door. Castiel watched him walk away and Dean gave Castiel one last glance through the diner's window. Cas didn't know what to think. I scared him away. I should have never held his hand.

"Cute guy," Jo, their waitress said to Castiel. "Did you get his number, Cassie?" Castiel shook his head.

"Of course not. Jo I am not interested in a relationship, you know that." Castiel sighed and Jo shrugged. "He would never like me like that anyway. He is straight,"

"Please, you could make any straight guy gay." She winked at him wiping the counter with an old rag. Jo's blonde hair fell perfectly framing her face.

"I don't think that is possible," Castiel said putting money on the counter for the coffee. Him and Jo had been friends since high school and when Cas went away to university she went with him. She lived with him part time, and her boyfriend the rest of the time.

"Where you going Cas?" she smirked.

"My name is Castiel and I am going for a walk." He raised his eyebrows at her checking for his keys and walking away.

"Say hi to your boyfriend for me," Jo yelled as Castiel walked out of the diner and onto the street. He knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let Dean walk home alone.

Castiel lived right across the street from the diner and was about to go drive in his car to find the broken boy, but before he even got to his car the search was over. He saw Dean slumped on a bus stop bench half asleep in front of Castiel's building. Dean looked like a rag doll spread out on the bench dowsing off. "Dean," Castiel cleared his throat.

"Yeah," Dean said without moving.

"Can I give you a ride home?" Castiel asked not sure what else to do with him.

"Can't go there. Lisa's there, probably fucking her new boyfriend," He honestly didn't know if Lisa was there or not, but he didn't want to risk finding her and her boyfriend curled up on their couch. He didn't care what they did, she could do whatever she wanted with who ever she wanted to, but Dean didn't want to risk going back and flipping out on them.

"Do you have any friends you can stay with?" Castiel was sure he wanted Dean to stay over night at his apartment, but knew that if he woke up in a stranger's house he might freak out and not remember anything. Even if Dean was sober he knew it wouldn't be a good idea.

"My brother," Dean said opening one eye to look at Castiel.

"Okay, where does your brother live?" Castiel asked a little bit disappointed but relieved that Dean had someone who he could stay with and help him through the break up.

"California," Dean chuckled. Castiel sighed before making the decision to let Dean stay the night.

"Okay Dean. Get up. You're staying on my couch tonight," Castiel put his arm around Dean helping him regain full balance on his feet.

They were both over aware of their how fast their hearts were beating. Dean ran out of the diner when Castiel had grabbed his hand because Dean was terrified of what he felt when Castiel touched him. Dean thought Castiel was too nice for him and too good. He may not know Castiel well, but he knew enough to know that Castiel deserved more than what he could offer. Why am even thinking like this? Castiel is a guy. Castiel lead the way to the lift of his apartment still holding Dean's arm before realizing Dean didn't need his help.

Dean leaned against the wall next to the lift eyes half closed looking at Castiel. Castiel shifted looking at his feet.

"You're cute, Cas," Dean said and Castiel snapped his head up and Dean gave him a lazy smile. Dean slid into the lift and Castiel followed his pressing the button of the fourth, and top, floor.

"Thank you, uh Dean," Dean gave a low chuckle standing close to Castiel. Holy cow he is close. Does he want me to kiss him? Should I kiss him? No, he is hurting and is probably still intoxicated. Cas thought. He found himself staring at Dean's perfect pink lips. Castiel had not been around very man drunk people in his life. He never went to parties and his parents frowned on alcohol, other than wine from church; they thought it lead to sinning. Castiel had drank with Jo many nights, but she always fell right to sleep and he would just sit on the floor and listen to music.

Dean was inches away from Castiel's face staring at Cas' lips biting his own.

"Dean, you are drunk," Castiel stepped off the lift pulling Dean's arm to follow him.

"Cas, I stopped being drunk a while ago," Dean said stepping close to Castiel pinning him against the hallway's wall. This was true.

"I don't even know you and-" Dean shut him up by smashing their lips together.

Dean wanted to figure out all of everything the next day. All he wanted was someone for the night to hold him and Castiel was all he had. A nice boy he met at a diner a couple of hours earlier. Why the fuck not? Dean asked himself as he kissed Castiel and Castiel kissed back. Their lips found a rhythm after a couple seconds and started moving in sync.

Clearly Dean isn't straight. Castiel thought as Dean pushed against his body. Castiel arched his back trying to get closer to Dean before pulling away realizing they were still in the hallway.

"Let's go inside," Castiel said opening his eyes to stare into Dean's bright green ones. Fumbling with his keys in trying to take them out of his pocket he laughed softly to himself. Dean moved his arms from around Castiel and smiled rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He watched Castiel struggle to open the door to the apartment.

"Who said anything about needing to know each other," Dean leaned against the door frame as Castiel walked into the apartment. It was a small two roomed apartment where the kitchen doubled as the dining room and living room. It wasn't much, but it was far more than what Castiel needed. Castiel was taking off his trench coat and putting it on a chair when he stopped abruptly and came to a realization of what was happening.

"Dean, I'm not having sex with a guy I just met." Dean nodded understanding. He knew that he was crazy even to think they were going to sex.

"I know." They sat on opposite sides of the couch not saying anything just looking at each other. They knew what they did deemed as wrong, but they weren't sure if it was.

Castiel knew he was gay, but he didn't want to be. He came from a family that was very religious and would never accept Castiel for who he was. The only person he had ever told was Jo. She questioned it at first and didn't entirely approve, but she loved Castiel and learned to love every part of him. Castiel had tried to hide that part of him by dating girls like Meg. He thought maybe he could learn to love girls if he tried hard enough, but here he was; with Dean.

Dean had been with a guy before and had never thought much of it. Him and Lisa took a break in her second year of collage to go try and quote on quote "find themselves,". Him and a boy named Jet, (Dean never got his last name) had spent the night together in a old motel room before going separate ways and never speaking of it again.

"Was that your first time kissing a boy?" Dean asked his finally leaning back into the couch. Castiel nodded smiling slightly. Dean felt satisfied with himself pulling off his leather jacket and putting it on the chair next to him. "I'm honored then." Dean's muscles showed through his black shirt that was tight enough that it outlined every part of his torso which Castiel took notice to with great curiosity before he tore his eyes away and back to Dean's smirking face.

"If-" Castiel started moving closer to Dean.

"If what?' Dean asked quietly smiling softly moving towards Castiel on the couch putting his arms around Castiel's waist.

"If I kiss you we can only kiss," Castiel said to which Dean quickly responded with "Deal,"

Castiel quickly put their lips together again as his body was begging for Dean's touch again. Dean responded right away biting Castiel's lip and slipping his tongue inside Castiel's mouth. The kiss was lustful and fast their tongues moving in sync intertwining with each other. Castiel's arms found their way under Deans shirt running his hands up and down Dean's muscles feeling them become loose at Castiel's touch.

"Can I take off your shirt?" Castiel asked as Dean started to unbutton Castiel's button down and kissed his neck.

"Please do," Castiel lifted Dean's shirt up from the back trying to get it over his head as it got stuck half way. "Cas, it's a bit stuck give me a minute," Dean laughed fumbling awkwardly with his shirt and Castiel chuckled finishing unbuttoning his own and throwing it to the side. "You okay?" Dean asked hovering on top of Castiel.

"I am good," Cas said as Dean kissed his neck leaving a mark. Castiel let out a small moan and Dean growled. Dean kissed his chest before kissing around his mouth teasing before finally finding Castiel's lips and claiming them as his own. They moaned into each other's lips. Castiel may have never kissed a guy, but it wasn't hard to get the hang of.

"We should stop," Dean said after ten minutes of teasing each other. Dean was straddling Castiel as Castiel kissed down his chest kissing his individual abs.

"Yeah we should," Castiel said to Dean. Both's chest were heaving and breathing was unsteady.

"I think we should go to sleep it's 4:00am," Dean kissed Cas softly.

"Shit I have class in the morning," Castiel said and Dean sat on the couch throwing his arm over Castiel. Castiel reluctantly stood up and stopped in front of Dean awkwardly. He wasn't sure if Dean wanted to sleep with him or on the couch.

"Okay," Dean said grabbing a pillow from a chair. "Thanks Cas,"

"You are welcome, Dean," Dean put his hands behind his head showing off muscles smirking to himself. Knowing Castiel was still standing there.

"You're still standing there, angel," Dean smiled standing up. Castiel took his hand dragging him to the bedroom kissing him against the wall. They smiled against each other's lips. There was some unknown force that kept pulling them together. Dean started grinding against Castiel's lower half . "Dean,"

The two of them retreated to the bed and kissed, hands tangled in each other's hair wanting more more. Castiel has control this time and was on top of Dean kissing his sharp jawline and running his tongue along Deans chest and neck. Dean moved them so they were both on their sides and the kissed slowly before they opened their eyes and stopped. Dean looked at Castiel and Castiel at Dean. Castiel reached his hand up to Dean face moving some hair from out of his eyes. Dean smiled at the small action kissing Castiel's hand before rapping his arms around Castiel and closing his eyes. Castiel laid his head on Deans chest and stared at the ceiling indulged in Dean's sent.

Dean knew he liked Castiel and Castiel clearly liked him, but something about it all still made his stomach turn. Maybe it was the fact he still had some vodka in him or the fact he didn't know what Castiel wanted. He had been with Lisa for what felt like forever and he did not think that it would be good to have anything, but hook ups for a while or the odd date. He did not know if Cas would be open to that; he did not think so. The whole not having sex with a man he just met made total sense, but Dean wasn't sure he was going to be ready for a commitment.

As Dean fell asleep quickly, Castiel lay awake thinking. It wasn't uncommon for Castiel to stay up thinking and pondering over the days events, but this time it was different. Castiel admittedly didn't have a whole lot of friends. His people skills were below average and over all he didn't understand other people or himself, despite reading more books than any other person he knew. He could quote movies and books until the day he died, but he could not for the life of him tell when someone was angry without them presenting it in some physical form. But tonight made him think that maybe he wasn't as lost as he thought. He was able to understand Dean's pain, and knew when to comfort him. He had never been open about his sexuality and didn't think he ever would be, but he liked Dean. Despite not knowing what to do with these feelings and suppressing the fact he was gay as if that would stop the whole thing entirely, he wouldn't mind having a friend like Dean. Sure he was a bit broken, but who was not? Castiel wanted to help him and be his friend, when he seemed like he needed one most. It wasn't much but maybe he and Dean could be friends of some sort.


	2. Chapter 2

"Dean?" Castiel asked peering into the empty front room. He stood bare foot and shirtless staring off into the open space that felt smaller than it had the day before. He called Dean's name again, but Dean was long gone. He left without a trace of him ever being there just the slight sent of his cologne on Castiel's bed sheets that was so feint Castiel hardly recognized it. He left without saying goodbye? Why would he do that?

Castiel explored the thought that he had imagined the entire night and Dean had been a dream reinforced by sexual frustration. Maybe he was never at the diner last night. Had Dean just been a figment of his imagination, a face he passed in the hallway? A dream? A stranger? Castiel started to question his own sanity before he saw a beaten up brown leather jacket laying across the arm chair. It was the one Dean was wearing the night before. He was real.

"Oh thank god," Castiel sighed, relieved that his sanity was intact. None the less it hurt that Dean left without a word and he couldn't help pondering over what he did wrong. This was an entirely new situation for him that he did not understand. He was never one to pick up strange men from the diner. He was never one to pick up men at all actually. Taking the road less traveled was practically unknown to him.

Castiel realized, quite quickly, he needed to return Dean's jacket, but neither of them exchanged their addresses or phone numbers, they had been a bit occupied. Not knowing what to do he hung the jacket in his closet shutting it away tightly and stared at the closet door. He wondered if Dean would return for it or if he had even noticed it was gone. The thoughts started to pile up one by one clouding his mind until an alarm sounded in the distance telling him it was time to get ready for class.

The silence of the apartment was deafening and cold after he shut down the alarm. Castiel remembered the feeling of his head on Dean's chest as they feel asleep, trying to relive the memory as if he was re-watching his favorite movie, but memories didn't work like that. They change. They stop being a vivid as they were a minute ago and become shadows reconstructing themselves differently each time. Eventually Castiel gave up trying to remember every detail and got ready for his class.

Dressing as quickly as he could he walked down to the empty bus stop. He walked through the door frame Dean leaned upon, into the hallway where they kissed, down the lift where Dean had told him he was cute, and out the building that he had dragged Dean in. Everything he looked at reminded him of what happened and made him think even more about what he did wrong.

Concentration had been deemed impossible by Castiel that morning. Dean was the only thing on his mind. Questions about the mystery man would not stop popping up in mind like annoying pop up adds on his computer. He over all wondered if he would ever see him again or if he got home alright. He wasn't sure if it was normal to think this much of someone who only passed through his life, but he didn't care. He could not control his brain and eventually gave into his thoughts letting them surround him.

He could not focus a single bit on anything his sweaty professor was droning on about to the point where he decided to teach himself by text book, got up, and left the class through the back doors. He started walking and decided not to stop as he passed his apartment.

Castiel thought what he and Dean did the night before was wrong which made him want to forget it ever happened, but the quiet voice in the back of his mind made it clear he wanted do it again. He was not sure exactly what he loved about the night before, whether it was the way Dean touched and held him or the fact that for once in his life he did what he wanted no matter how wrong it felt. Maybe both. Whatever it was, was intriguing enough to make him return to the diner twice a night, every night.

No matter how cliché and desperate it seemed to for him to wait there for his Prince Charming, he needed to return the jacket and this was the only way he knew how to get it back to him.

After the first two days Castiel thought that perhaps he was obsessing over what was only a one night stand, but Dean seemed different than the other boys he encountered on campus, more broken and alone. Castiel was dying to know what had left a man so hurt and tired of the world. He wanted to hear his story, know every word and fix every typo that blemished Deans soul. He knew that night in the diner, when they met, Dean had shared what was only the surface of his story which made Castiel want to dig deeper.

***

It was five nights since Castiel and Dean met and Castiel decided it would be for the best if he gave the jacket to Jo and returned to his apartment. He figured if Dean had not shown yet he would never return. 

"So you are really telling me you never got his number? Nothin'?" Jo asked taking the jacket behind the counter.

"That is essentially what I am saying, yes," he sighed and drank a warm cup of coffee.

"Well I'll be sure to give it to him if he ever comes in here." She winked at him.

"No, Jo," he sighed again before yawning.

"Come on I know you want me to. He was the first guy you've ever kissed and you almost had sex with him," she rolled her eyes taking the jacket into the back of the diner.

"I have bigger things to worry about. With you moving out I need to find a new roommate which has been nothing, but a hassle so far," he took a long breath staring into his coffee. "I don't want you to leave. Or share a confined space with a stranger. It all sounds terribly uncomfortable."

Jo was moving in with her boyfriend full time after living part time with him for nearly a year. This left Castiel scrambling for a new roommate.

Castiel did not have many friends, and the ones he did had could never fill Jo's spot in his home or his life. He had one other friend that he had partnered up with a project on, named Charlie, they met during a computer programming course he was taking outside of school. Charlie and him got along together well because she did most of the talking and he was better at listening. Even though they were near complete opposites they had connected within the last couple of weeks. She had told him about a boy she knew who was looking for a new roommate, but Castiel was not sure about rooming with a stranger.

"Oh Cassie I'm going to miss you to, but it will be good for you. And you always know where I'll be. Just call me and I'll be there to kick your roommate's ass in no time,"

"Please no violence,"

"No promises," she said in sing song before she went to the back room as her shift finished. "Ask that Charlie friend of yours. She is nice," Jo hung up her apron. They were the only two in the diner other than Jo's co-worker Hannah who was sitting in a booth reading a magazine.

"I did. She was unavailable, but gave me the number of this boy named Adam. I must call him to see if he is interested." Castiel stood up finishing his coffee and adjusted his trench coat.

"Maybe he'll be your boyfriend instead of that Dean character," Jo pursed her lips throwing her long blonde hair up into a messy high ponytail as they walked across the road to their apartment building.

"Jo," he warned, "Please stop using that word in that context. I would not like to think about it," Castiel winced at the thought of him having a boyfriend.

"What? Boyfriend," he nodded, "Castiel, don't be ashamed of who you are. For gods sake you need to live a little, get your ass out there. Make some friends, find a guy, do something other than sit in that stupid diner and study," She exclaimed annoyed, entering the elevator. Castiel said nothing.

He knew who he was, but that didn't mean he wanted to embrace it. If he did he would be kicked out of his family. He would become a disgrace and despite hating most of his family he could not help, but love the ones that have always stood by him. He could never lose them and he didn't think being gay was worth losing his family and becoming, in his sister's words, 'A sinner without class.' It was hard to not scream at them and tell them to accept him, but he could never.

"No," Castiel walked into the apartment leaving Jo in his dust and disappearing into his bedroom. He went straight for the bottle of rum stashed in the back of his closet and pressed play on his stereo. He listened to the smooth voice of Elvis, calming himself to the point of numbness. When he thought of his family or his sexuality he could hardly be sober. Some things he could only think about with the mind of a drunken man. 

***

"Pass the bottle, man." Ash said extending his arm out towards Dean laying on the busted up couch. Dean blew smoke rings from his cigarette into the air before passing it around. He did not smoke often, Sam would kill him if he ever found out, but if he was offered a light he couldn't always help himself.

"Ash, what do you think? Think I should go back? I mean he does have my jacket?"

"You do you, amigo," Ash said taking a swig from the bottle. They were in Ash's apartment where Dean had been crashing for a couple weeks after Lisa had left him. No matter how much Dean loved Ash it was terrible living with him. Ash would pass out anywhere anytime and would come in at four in the mourning drunk, not that he was ever 100% sober, after getting into another fight.

Dean wanted to live with his uncle, Bobby, who was very much like a father to him, but he knew that if he went back home he might never leave. Besides, Bobby would be on he case non stop."Get your ass back out there and stop your mopin', you idjit." he'd say to Dean.

"I better get my jacket, who knows maybe I'll get laid too?" Dean got up from off the couch and walked out the door.

"Have fun, I'll probably be gone by the time you get back," Ash said and Dean slammed the door behind him.

Ash's apartment was closer to the diner where Castiel and Dean met than his own so it didn't bother him to walk. He smiled and winced as he came to the spot where he threw up in front of the diner. He couldn't for the life of him remember which apartment belonged to Castiel, so he figured waiting at the diner was by far his best bet. He ordered a coffee and sat at the bar like he did a couple weeks earlier.

"Dean Winchester?" He looked up from his coffee to look at a beautiful blonde waitress.

"That's me. And who are you gorgeous?" He winked at her sending one of his classic smiles.

"Not available, but I have your jacket." Jo disappeared into the back room before returning with a busted up leather jacket. It looked the same as it had the day he left it at Castiel's.

"How'd you get this?" Dean asked scrunching his eyebrows together and putting on his jacket. Fits like a glove.

"I'm a friend of Castiel's. He thought you'd want it back," Jo said starting to write Castiel's number down on a piece of paper. "And this is his number, if you want to thank him." She gave him the paper.

"For sure," Dean said stuffing the piece of paper into his pocket. He didn't know what else Castiel had told Jo and hoped it wasn't too much. "Did he say anything else? About anything?" Dean asked wearily. He was exactly ready to publicly announce his private activities not that he'd deny it if it did come out. 

"He's told me a lot of things, 'bout a lot of thing so you're gonna need t'be specific." she stated looking Dean directly in his eyes. She was smirking knowingly at the slightly embarrassed Dean.

"I uh well," Dean rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Uh well, you see. I- uh, he-"

"Don't give yourself a stroke, now. You ain't got nothing to worry about. I don't gossip," Jo gave him a small smile to which he chuckled.

"Hey, Goldilocks," Dean said with a small grin. "You don't happen to have an address that goes along with that number. Do you?" She rolled her eyes and poured him more coffee.

"Nope." She feigned clueless and had no intention of telling Dean where he lived. She wasn't going to let Castiel get tangled up with him again unless Dean was willing to make an effort.

That 'nope' wiped Deans smile right off his face. He really wasn't in the mood to be cock blocked by some chick he just met and didn't feel like hooking up with anyone besides Castiel. As weird as it sounded he could not stop thinking about the guy since they spent the night together.

"Come on, sweetheart." Dean pleaded, but Jo was too stubborn for her own good and would not budge.

"Sorry, sweetheart go home and call him if you're that desperate to get laid," Jo said leaving Dean alone in the diner as she disappeared into the back room.

"Bitch," he mumbled dropping two dollars on the counter for the coffee before walking out of the diner and back to Ash's place.

***

"Dean finally came back to the diner tonight," Jo said throwing her jacket across the living room and landing on the couch next to Cas.

"Really? What did he say?" Cas tried to hide his shock and excitement about the news. He kept a stone face as he ate his sad bowl of noodles and watched the news reports flash on and off of the TV.

"I gave him your number if that's what you're wondering 'bout" she mumbled to him. She wanted to tell him about how she didn't get a good vibe from him and how he would never want a relationship like Castiel deserved, but she could not bring herself to do so. Castiel was old enough to make his own choices and Dean made it pretty clear that he was only looking for a hookup and nothing more. Clear enough that even Castiel would be able to understand, and he wasn't the best at picking up social cues.

"And what did he do after that?" Castiel asked hiding a slight smile.

"He asked for your address so he could come over and hook up with you. I said that if he wanted your address he'd have to call you himself," Castiel stared at Jo surprised. She had always pushed him to have some sort of relationship and he could not understand why she would push Dean away like that.

"Why did you do that?" Castiel looked away from the TV looking her in the eye for the first time since she sat down. He looked shocked but had tried to keep a straight face.

"Don't get your panties in bunch, Cassie. I was just looking out for you. You need more than just a hook up and if that man wants you bad enough he'll make an effort,"

"I do not wear panties," Castiel said disregarding everything else she had voiced to him. He sat and finished he noodles before bidding Jo a quick goodnight and retreating to his bedroom.

He decided to finally call Adam and ask if he was interested in the apartment soon after Jo left. The apartment had felt empty as ever and he needed something ton distract him from Dean.

"Hello?," Adam answered on the other line.

"Uh hello. I am Castiel, Charlie's friend," Castiel said.

"Oh hey, man. Yeah Charlie told me about you looking for a roommate,"

"Yes, she said that you are interested,"

"Totally, my current roommates are nightmares and the sooner I can get out of here the better," Adam sighed.

"Hey we heard that!" "You little bitch." Castiel heard two voices yelling from Adam's side of the phone.

"Stop listening to my phone calls, jackasses!" Adam yelled back at them.

"Do you mind if I ask you some questions before you move in?" Castiel asked. He needed to make sure that Adam wasn't a psycho killer, even at Charlie's recommendation she had some pretty crazy friends from what he's heard.

Better to be safe than sorry.

***

Adam moved in the next day. He was a tall and lanky young boy in his first year of University with light hair and green eyes that reminded him of Dean's, but they weren't as bright or captured Castiel's attention half as much. "My half brother is coming over later to help me unpack some of these boxes, just letting you know so you aren't surprised," Adam said pushing a chair to the side.

"Of course," Castiel complied as he was helping Adam move some furniture into the apartment. Nothing extravagant just a couple chairs and a bookcase. 

"What's up bitches?" Charlie said not as cheerful as normal walking through the open door and knocking even though she had already came in. Charlie was a beautiful red head who was a master hacker and major geek. Everything from comics, to books, to movies, to video games she loved. Charlie was wearing a Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back t-shirt and loose mom jeans as she interrupted the boy's small talk. 

"Hello Charlie," Castiel smiled at her as she gave him a quick hug.

"Charles, how yeah doing, babe?" Adam called to her, hugging her too. 

"I'm actually pretty pissed. I met this chick last night and she was totally hot, but then guess who shows up?" She didn't give them time to guess. "My Ex! So I'm standing there awkward as hell and the girl walks away. My ex is all like 'hey, I miss you,' and I'm like I don't miss you. I mean I don't say that out loud, but in my head I'm a bad ass and I slap her. Again not in real life. But anyways I don't really want to go into details of what happened after, so that's how I'm doing," she flops down onto the couch turning on the TV. "On top of that I split coffee onto my copy of The Hobbit when I was re-reading it yesterday and I just," she took a deep breath before screaming into a throw pillow on the couch. The two boys looked terrified not knowing what to do. They shared a look before Adam sat next to Charlie patting her back. Castiel went into the kitchen making her a tea. He quickly called Jo to ask what to do, but there was no answer.

Castiel brought her a tea and a warm blanket, it was what Jo always asked for when she was sick or upset. He saw that she and Adam had got one of Adam's DVDs out of his box and they were now watching Star Trek. Castiel liked star trek. He related to Spock, the half alien half human character. He didn't really understand human emotions or humans in general, which is how Castiel felt a lot of the time. He never quite felt like he fit in with other people, when he was younger his mother would tell him that he was special, but as he got older he could't understand people the way others could which just made him feel like an outsider.

An hour later there was a knock on the door. Adam got up to get it as Castiel and Charlie were deeply absorbed in the episode, despite both having seen it before. 

Castiel heard muffled voices coming from the hallway. A minute later when Adam didn't come back he got up and traced Adam's steps to the door to see who was there.

"Cas?" 

"Dean?"


	3. Chapter 3

Dean stood shocked staring at Castiel from the apartment doorway, frozen. He could not believe the chances of this happening and figured this must be Charlie's attempt to get them together again or something. He knew he shouldn't of told her about Cas. "Son of a bitch," he said to himself under his breath.

Castiel was not unfamiliar with the universe playing tricks on him and screwing him over, but he still stood shocked and angry at ever at the beautiful boy with green eyes. He looked away sightly to see if there were any video cameras to record this for a late night reality show before meeting Dean's eyes again. This must have been a prank on him; some how.

Adam stood between the two not daring to speak with the obvious tension in the room. He was sending each of them questioning glances as Dean and Castiel stared at each other. Neither one knew what to say or how to say it and the boys wouldn't dare break eye contact. The air was thick and almost suffocating Adam to the point where he took it upon himself to break the ice, or chip away at it at least.

"So... you two know each other?" Adam asked awkwardly. Him and Dean were not best pals, but the tension between Adam and Dean was nothing compared to the tension between Castiel and Dean. The mix of angry and sexual tension between them was clawing at their insides begging to be released. And to say the least; Adam wanted nothing to do with it.

"No," Castiel said, but Dean spoke at the same time and said, "Uh yeah,"

He was still standing awkwardly in the hall not sure if he should go in or take a long hike off a short pier. He was severely unprepared for this encounter. The last person he expected to see when his half brother called was the mystery man from the diner.

Castiel slowly turned his surprise into a killer glare directed at Dean. The death stare was enough to make Adam 10 times more uncomfortable than before, if that was even possible. It was like they forgot he was still in the room despite him doing all the talking so far.

"Should I be worried," Adam asked stepping in between the boys. It looked like Castiel was going to jump Dean, and not in the way Dean hoped when he planned on seeing him again.

"No," Castiel said.

"Adam, can you give me and Cas, some time," Adam looked at him questioning not moving. "That means get the hell out, man," Dean clarified looking at Adam fir the firat time since Castiel' entered the room. Adam left quickly to the other room before returning with Charlie.

"We're going to go get- I don't know. Just text us when you're done with whatever," Charlie said looking at them before being shoved out of the apartment by Adam. Her and Adam silently agreed that they did not want to be there any longer than needed.

The boys were almost oblivious as their friend and half sibling practically sprinting out the door in the middle of a show. No words were said until the door was shut and Charlie and Adam were in the lift.

"Dean." Castiel said again glaring at the man. He was mad at Dean for leaving him with the burden of his jacket and without a single note in the morning. Not to mention, Dean was the first boy he kissed and almost had sex with. Leaving just seemed cruel to Castiel.

"Cas," Dean said rubbing the back of his neck and biting his pink plush lips. He knew they would probably meet again by chance, sooner or later, if Dean didn't call him, but he had hoped it would be later. "I- you see," He struggled to form a sentence and excuse that someone as smart as Castiel could accept as valid.

"Save it. And my name is Castiel," Castiel snapped at him walking further into the apartment as Dean followed in suit.

Castiel was angry that he was here and that he had spent so much time waiting for Dean to show up. And when he does it comes without a call first and to see another man. Another man who Castiel would have to live with and face every day knowing the events that happened between him and Dean. That was enough to piss off Castiel to the point where his face was red.

"And I'm Dean Winchester, but to me you're Cas," Dean stated strongly standing his ground.

"You hardly know me," Castiel stood opposite to Dean glaring at him with his arms crossed. Castiel stood, messy hair hair and all, in front of Dean wondering what excuse Dean had in mind. It was hard to tell which of the dozens of excuses, that Cas had heard thousands of times before, Dean would use for leaving him in the dust. It was almost amusing for Castiel, like a guessing game where he was never satisfied with the answer.

Dean looked ruggedly handsome with his spiked hair and slight stubble growing around his perfect lips. He was looking at Castiel with those perfect bright eyes and it was then Castiel couldn't decide if he wanted to punch him or take him on the table. Castiel decided it was best to push all thoughts of the latter to the back of his mind.

"I know enough. Or did you forget our little whatever in the diner," Dean asked placing his hand on Castiel's arm to which Cas shrugged off moving backwards from Dean. If Dean touched him Castiel would be lost in Dean forever and he wasn't interested in losing any of the anger he had towards Dean.

"No, I did not. But did you forget it? After all you drank half bottle of liquor before you walked yourself there," Castiel fumed at Dean.

"Yeah well that didn't seem to change anything. You still took me back to your apartment; where you live with Adam," Dean tried to reason despite knowing he was probably in the wrong. He'd never go down with out a fight no matter what. 

"You were sleeping on a bench, and seemed to be more than content when I offered to bring you up here. At least my intentions were pure, unlike you, who instigated the kiss," Castiel yelled at Dean. 

"Yeah, I may have started it, but you know what? You don't know when to leave people on the bench. That's how you're going to end up sleeping with some screw up like me," Dean told him taking steps towards Castiel and Castiel took some back away from Dean.

"You think I cared that you might be screw up? You were nice and I thought we connected, Dean," Castiel said quiet and angry at Dean. The rage Castiel felt was amplified by Dean making him think he did something wrong when it was all Dean's fault.

"Well it doesn't matter what happened because it doesn't change anything. I'm not gay, Cas. It was just a stupid thing that happened," Castiel stopped talking and just stared at Dean hurt though he tried to hide it the best that he could. Castiel took on the face of solid stone staring ahead cheeks red of sudden embarrassment.

"No matter how stupid or unimportant. You could have at leas been good about it and left a note," Castiel stated finally saying what had been bothering him for the last week. He was new to this whole hooking up scenario, but he imagined it without the emptiness in the air and longing behind his eyes. Then again he also didn't imagine it with someone as attractive as Dean.

"That's what this is about? God, Cas what was I supposed to do? I'm not exactly looking for a relationship or anything," Dean pleaded to Castiel. Dean knew what this was about from the beginning, but he wasn't going to admit it entirely. He felt guilty about leaving after Castiel had been so nice to him and took care of him. But Dean knew he had to leave. A man like him could not afford ties with others.

"I am not looking for anyone either. But you didn't leave a note with your number or anything for Christ's sake. So yes that is what this is about," Castiel stated firmly like it was the most obvious thing ever.

Dean sighed running his hands through his hair regretting nothing and everything. Not regretting what happened, but the way he felt, and the way handled it.

"I'm sorry! Okay?! I didn't know what to do and I sure as hell didn't feel like sticking around for the awkward after thing conversation of whether or not you wanted to see me again?" Dean said sighing and rubbing his face, stressed.

"Just because you didn't feel like staying, you left without a single word? I may be new to this whole thing, but I thought we could've been friends at least," Castiel told Dean with a slight sadness in his voice.

"Do you make out with all your friends?" Dean asked, the words rolling off his tongue laced in jealousy and disgust. 

"What? No," Castiel defended himself, but Dean was already following every assumption he had made down a rabbit hole. 

"What about Adam? You know him the way you know me?" Dean asked annoyed. He stood against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed and both eyebrows raised. He was certain that the reason Castiel chose Adam as his roommate was because he thought he was cute or hot or had good bone structure? He was related to Dean after all and had Winchester genes. Was Castiel that shallow? The thought that the only reason Castiel helped Dean was because he found him attractive, stared at Dean in the shadows of his mind. It was uneasy and made Dean regret not leaving with Charlie and Adam for a second. 

"None of your business. I know him enough for him to be living with me," Castiel said.

"Bullshit. You hadn't even kissed a guy before you met me and what was that? A week ago? Remember that? Or were you lying?" Dean raised his voice uncrossing his arms. He automatically assumed Castiel and Adam must be an item of some sort if Castiel was in his half brother's apartment.

"I was not lying," Castiel mumbled embarrassed so he quickly decided to divert the conversation to why Dean was here. "How do you know Adam? Is he one of your hookups?" Castiel asked the words rolling off his tongue with the greatest displeasure.

"He's my half brother," Castiel's mouth formed an 'O' shape. "That's how I know him, now why not tell me how you know him," Dean glared. So that was why Dean was here, Castiel thought.

"He's my new roommate we have a mutual friend, Charlie. As far as I know he won't be gone by the morning," Castiel fumed again. All the pent up anger was still behind his eyes.

"You want me to apologize again? Because I'm sorry, but it's not my fault!" Dean took a breath and Castiel took one too.

"How is it not your fault!? Take some responsibility Dean!" Castiel yelled.

"Okay, wrong words," Dean put his arms up in front of him. "It is my fault,"

"I agree," Castiel rolled his eyes letting out a breath. His brother always told him to take deep breaths when he need to calm down. It didn't do much in this case, but it did let him realize that neither of them were going to win this fight if it continued like this. 

The boys were silent and stealing looks at each from across the room until Dean decide to speak again.

"We won't be able to avoid each other forever, you know?" Castiel looked at Dean confused to why they couldn't. "If you're friends with Charlie and living with Adam," Dean reasoned.

"Okay then. Should we forget it happened?" Castiel didn't really want to forget anything and there is no way he would forget the events that had unfolded, but he could try.

"I don't regret it, if that's what you're asking," Dean said making Castiel blush a dark red. Even though he was mad at Dean, Castiel couldn't help melting at the sound of Dean's ruff voice as it made him feel like it wasn't a mistake.

"That wasn't exactly what I was asking," They were silent and avoiding eye contact, for a minute. Castiel was relieved and shocked that Dean didn't regret it. It was one of the many reasons Castiel came up with to why Dean did not come back for his jacket.

"Do you regret it?" Dean asked in all seriousness. There would be no more fighting for now. Dean didn't want to fight anymore and neither did Castiel.

"I do not know. I do not think so. I mean I can't see why I should regret it, it all a bit blurry. And it's not like we did anything really wrong," Castiel rambled on not really knowing how to express himself.

Dean was quick to move in front of him placing one hand on Castiel's waist and his other hand caressing his cheek. "Do you regret it?" Dean whispered his question into Castiel's ear. his hot fanned Castiel's face. All it took was one touch and Castiel was putty in Dean's hands just like he had predicted. He would have to scorn himself about that later.

Cas stopped rambling and answered simply "No." in his deep gravelly voice staring at Dean lips before back at his eyes. His eyes were hypnotic absorbing his soul. It was the truth that Cas didn't regret it and that was enough for Dean to kiss him.

"Good," Dean kissed Cas hard and angry each letting their frustrations out in the kiss. They both were fighting for power and dominance over the other, kissing with all their strength. Dean kept his hands tangled in Cas' hair pulling at it and making it as messy as possible. Dean moved his mouth away from Cas' despite Cas' wishes and moved to his neck. "I'm still mad," Castiel said out of breath as Dean left a mark on his neck making Cas moan.

"I know, Angel," Dean lifted Cas onto the kitchen counter and Cas rapped his legs around Dean, biting Dean's lips teasing and tasting him as their tongues worked in sync. They were breathless and hearts beating wild as they felt. Their kisses we reckless and passionate. Castiel took control and pushed Dean back and pinned him against the opposite wall pulling him closer with his belt loops.

"Cas," Dean moaned into Castiel's lips. Cas grunted in response kissing him with all his power. He still was new to the whole kissing boys thing, but he had always been good when kissing girls so he kissed Dean the way he had kissed a girl, just a little more angry. They kissed trying to find out the sounds each other could make, memorizing them, until Castiel's questions were bothering him and distracting him more than ever before.

"Dean, why didn't you come back?" Castiel stopped kissing Dean and Dean leaned against the wall, both out of breath.

"Because I didn't want to face you and I don't want you to get tied up with me." Dean admitted in one breath. "I remember everything we talked about that night. And I didn't want to relive it. I still can't believe I trusted a stranger like that. I didn't think facing you would be worth getting my jacket back," his words came out choppy and with breaks in between before they came out all at once. 

"For some reason, one I cannot explain, people trust me. I am considered a very good confident and once people start talking about their problems to me, they almost always tell me too much," Castiel says leaning against the counter. It was a blessing and a curse. People trusted him, but sometimes the more information meant having the weight of secrets on his shoulders. Somethings you just wish you could forget and were better left unsaid in the first place.

"I can tell," Dean went quiet and Castiel wasn't sure what to do. Were they supposed to kiss again or was this their final meeting before moving on with their lives? Was that a goodbye kiss? It didn't feel like one, but he could have misread it. Castiel wasn't always good with understanding human relationships.

"Are we going to keep making out?" Cas asked after realizing this was the best way to find out. Dean chuckled at Castiel's bluntness before he shook his head 'no', smiling.

"Let me take you out first." Dean picked up his jacket having an idea. He liked Castiel. Cas was cute, hot, a good listener and not to mention those eyes. Dean had a thing for bright eyes and dark hair whenever he was on the prowl for the night's hookup. Eyes were the first thing he noticed and Cas had some of the brightest eyes he's ever seen. Even if he was attracted to Cas physically more than emotionally, but for Dean that was enough

"On a date?" Castiel's eyes went wide and were swirling with fear as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Hey, okay. Doesn't need to be a date." Dean put his hands up in surrender and Cas visibly relaxed. "Just two guys hanging out and eating food. Sound good?" Dean put his hand on Cas' shoulder trying not to show how hurt he was that Cas seem terrified by the idea of dating him.

"Okay. I suppose I can except you invitation if that is all it is," Cas nods picking up his jacket and putting it on.

Dean exited the apartment holding the door open for Cas giving him a boyish grin. As they walked to the lift both boys became suddenly awkward as they remembered what had happened in the hallway. Even if Castiel had to walk down it everyday remembering, he did not have to do so with Dean. Now that Dean is here it is ten times worse than before. Trying to think of something to say was impossible. Minds were filled of memories of them making out in the apartment, in the hall, everywhere. Trying to forget them was useless. Castiel found that out earlier and Dean, if he were to speak, couldn't agree more.


	4. Chapter 4

"Where are you taking me?" Castiel asked as they walked out the front doors of Cas' apartment building. The air was cool and when Castiel opened the doors he was met with a gust of wind that cooled his red face. His blush had not disappeared since Dean had arrived at the apartment and it was safe to say he didn't know if it was going to go away. Dean's face was a dusty pink as well, but Castiel had a darker glow to him. Maybe it was because of his anger towards Dean was not going to be gone after one make out session.

"It's a surprise." Dean turned around to face Castiel giving him a boyish grin and walking backwards. He walked towards the back of the building where his 1967 chevy impala was parked. Looking as good as the day she was bought. He winked at Cas, turning the corner and looking to side to side. Dean was checking if the street was deserted before grabbing Cas' hand and pulled him towards his baby. Hand holding was not something they had done yet and the action set loose butterflies in Cas' stomach.

Cas was surprised at Dean's actions and checked the street for any bystander; just in case. He did not want to be outed because of something as silly as hand holding with Dean Winchester. No matter how reckless Castiel was feeling he was not ready to let his guard down entirely. His walls were built too high. But Dean seemed to have another idea.

As Castiel was looking for people Dean pulled him close stealing a kiss on his cheek. Castiel blushed as soon as he realized what happened. "Dean," he warned in a deep voice as Dean jumped away to the driver's side smirking. 

"For luck," Dean said smiling and ducking into his car. Castiel let a small smile settle into his lips for a second before ducking his head into the muscle car and getting ready to scold Dean. The action was small and even childish, but made Castiel amused. He liked this side of Dean.

"This is not a date," Castiel reminded him trying to hide his smile. It seemed necessary to remind Dean since he was treating it like one.

"I know, but maybe if I'm lucky, faith will work in my favor for once," Dean said turning the ignition starting the car with a low rumble. Castiel didn't know what he meant by that exactly, but he could figure that out later. It seemed that Dean meant it though. Before Castiel knew what he was doing he leaned towards Dean and kissed his cheek letting his lips linger longer than Dean had. Castiel felt reckless and couldn't help himself.

"For luck," Castiel repeated. It was Dean's turn to blush. He was surprised at Cas' sudden change of attitude. Castiel moved away from Dean, but did not eliminate their close proximity entirely. Their arms were still touching enough to send tingles through Castiel's body.

Dean was over aware of Castiel's every movement as they drove. The way Castiel would bite his lip and the way his messy dark hair fell onto his forehead. The small smile that was so slight but dazzling in Dean's eyes. It was all present and more than one time Dean had to remind himself to focus on the road and not the way Cas' arm would brush against his every time they turned a corner. He decided to take a route with the most turns possible, not that he would ever tell Cas that; or admit it to himself.

They didn't talk during the drive. They listened to a slow rock song that was playing off the cars stereo system. Castiel didn't recognize it, but he enjoyed it. It was slow and had a very nice build to it. The guitar was lovely and the lyrics almost sent chills down his spine in the best and worst ways. Dean seemed to know every word though as he hummed along and sang softly. Castiel was surprised to find out Dean had a great voice.

"What is the name of this song?" Castiel asked and Dean looked at him like he'd grown a third head in disbelief.

"Stairway to Heaven, by Led Zeppelin aka one of the greatest rock bands of all time. It's beautiful and just gives you that feeling," Dean exclaimed passionately. He obviously loved this band a lot and Castiel loved how he talked about it. The way his eyes lit up when Castiel said he really liked the song had Castiel nearly swooning. This was a different Dean than the one he met at the diner. This one was less broken and had all the pieces. When Dean talked about music he couldn't help the bright smile and wave of energy that washed over him.

This Dean was the Dean Castiel liked the most, he decided. Cas made a mental note to listen to more Led Zeppelin when he got home.

"I'll have to make you a mix tape of their greatest hits. There are so many," Dean said turning the corner and pulling into a parking lot. Castiel recognized the place, but he couldn't remember where he had seen it before. It was a sense of Déjà Vu and Castiel furrowed his eyebrows trying to figure it out. Dean got out of the car with Cas following in suit.

The red brick building was small on the outside and looked deserted. It was positioned at a corner and had four floors of apartments above. A sign on the wall of the building pointed down a stairwell leading into the ground and read 'Chuck's Records'. To Dean Chuck's was an escape and possibly the best hidden secret this city had. When he found it five years ago he had spent nearly every waking moment inside. Chuck didn't like to advertise to just anyone so he relied on collectors and people who loved music to keep the place running meaning it was quiet inside and never overly busy unless someone was preforming. Perfect place to escape to after a night out.

"Welcome to Chuck's, Cas," Dean said as he walked down the stairs and in through the heavy wooden door holding it open for Castiel. Castiel wearily walked down the wooden steps and into the dim lit hallway. Dean knew where he was going and exactly what he was doing, so Castiel followed.

The place was dark and smelt of old books, smoke and vanilla. It had soft rock music playing in the background over a speaker system. As soon as they walked in the walls had vinyl records, posters, and books lined up against the bare red brick. The space was separated into different rooms with walls, but no doors, except one that lead up to the apartment floors. There were four rooms that Castiel could see.

The first room was long and not too wide. It had shelves against the walls that reached the ceiling and were filled with records recorded before 1950. In the center of the room there were five tables with boxes of records beneath and on top of them, each labeled alphabetically. It was quite the sight. Castiel thought that his record collection, that had once been his mothers, was large, but in one room they held thousands more than he could imagine. There were a few people scattered around the room browsing for the newest addition to their collection. A short girl with pixie cut blond hair, and a Blondie record under her arm, caught Castiel's eye. He knew her from somewhere, but couldn't place his finger on where. She wouldn't be someone he'd forget with her lip piercings and neck tattoos. "This is 'The Before Classic Room', with everything your grandparents and their grandparents listened to," Dean said pulling out Cas of the doorway and into the hall.

The next room was 'The Revolution Room'. This room was bigger than the last room and held twice as many records. It was the years 1950-1990 and held a majority of the shop's vinyls. The lay out of the room was a bit different than the other room. Instead of tables there were rows of book shelves filled with vinyls like a library set up. It was surreal to be surrounded by so many records and so much music that people had poured their hearts and souls into. "This is my favorite room. The revolution room documents the best years of music." Dean said standing back and taking it all in. Every time he went to Chuck's it would be like he entered an entirely different world.

"This place is very interesting," Castiel said walking down the isle towards the L section. He was beyond glad Dean took him here. Ever since he moved to the city he had yet to find a good place to buy records or meet people. Castiel was terrible at making friends or talking to people in general for the most part, so having a common interest like music was a great conversation starter. "In the best way,"

"I- well, I saw your vinyl collection in your room that night. Thought you'd like it here," Dean said blushing slightly at the memory. He really wanted for Castiel to like it here so maybe they could go vinyl shopping together some other time. As friends, of course, because this was not a date.

"My mom used to collect them. That's how I have so many," Castiel said browsing the shelves. The small piece of information intrigued Dean, he wondered what kind of person Castiel's mom was, but before he could ask Castiel changed the subject. "Which Led Zeppelin album is the best?" Dean took a moment to think, acting like he didn't know the answer right away; but he did.

"Physical Graffiti," He reaches behind Castiel's head for the record. Dean always found rock music relaxing and when he was stressed he would open a bottle of whiskey and play a record. Physical Graffiti was his favorite to play. He had memorized every song on the album, both the words and on the guitar. He had learned to play the guitar when he was sixteen and still tried to keep it up when he could. Sam had given him an electric guitar last Christmas and it was the best present he'd ever gotten, other than his baby. Nothing would ever beat that car.

"I'm going to get this one," Castiel said putting it under his arm. He was always looking for good music and Dean might be able to help with that. Castiel thought.

"I like you," Dean smiled at Cas. It wasn't a cocky smirk, but a genuine smile where his dimples showed. It pleasantly surprised Cas making have a slight smile on his own lips again. The comment was out of place and random. It made Cas flustered. He blushed and took a step backward right into the bookshelf of records luckily not knocking any off and breaking something he couldn't afford. Dean chuckled slightly at him. Unsure how to respond, Castiel mumbled "Thanks." He moved from in front of Dean and turned down the next isle embaressed.

No matter how embarrassed Castiel was, Dean didn't notice. Dean was beyond flattered that Castiel wanted a Led Zeppelin record just because of how much Dean loved them. Or was it just because he liked the song in the car? Dean shook that thought and admired that Cas had asked his opinion on which one was the best anyways. If Castiel kept this up I might just have had to marry him. That thought shocked the hell out of Dean making him jump back from the shelf even if Castiel had turned the corner. No attachments. He reminded himself. Lisa was the exception because she knew about everything he had going on behind the green eyes. Hell, she lived through it with him. He wasn't going to bring anyone else into this and risk getting hurt or hurting anyone.

"Are you alright?" Castiel asked after watching Dean space out for a solid minute. Castiel noted how Dean's playful attitude turned stone cold with a forced smile. This was the Dean from the diner.

"I'm fine," Dean said stepping away from Cas and walking into the hall. Whether or not he was fine never mattered to Dean. Others always came first with him and he was last. Sam always tried to check up on Dean and ask if he was eating enough or getting any sleep, but Dean would lie and tell him everything was okay before interrogating his little brother. It was his job to protect Sammy and take care of him, not the other way around. "Let's go get a drink," Dean said.

"Alright." Castiel was skeptical, but agreed. He wanted to know more about Dean Winchester. The only problem was that Castiel wasn't sure Dean was willing to share, but drunk Dean seemed to more than open to a conversation.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey SAMMEH GUESS WHAT," Dean yelled into the phone shooting back another shot of tequila as Cas stared into the space ahead of them. Cas stared at the half empty bottles focusing on a shiny green one in the corner. In his drunken state it reminded him of Dean's eyes.

The smell of liquor and smoke was strong in the old run down bar, but Dean and Cas had lost most of their senses. They were drunk out of their minds and neither of them realized how much they would regret it in the morning.

It was late, or early, depending on who you asked. Dean and Cas had made it through three bars. They were asked to leave twice and had slowly moved farther and farther away from the record store. They found themselves mixing alcohol and Dean had been dancing on tables while Castiel learned how to play pool.

After the record shop at around 9:00pm they decided to get a drink -which turned into multiple drinks. They were both heavy weights and could handle their alcohol, but the two of them together had drank half a bottle of tequila, eight beers, four shots of something called 'purple nurple', four blue-ish drinks with who-knows-what in them, and a quarter of a bottle of whisky.

"You're drunk, Dean," Sam said rolling his eyes and chuckling over the phone. Dean could see Sam's face if he closed his eyes. A stupid tired smile and eye's that reminded him of a puppy dog. Practically raising the kid meant he knew almost everything about him, give or take a few things.

"I'm drunk. And I'm proud. And this is my best friend Cas," Dean said putting the phone on speaker. "Say hi Cas," Dean smiled at Cas and Cas looked at the small box smiling back, slightly confused.

"Hi, Cas?" Cas repeated and Dean burst out laughing. Castiel wasn't sure why, but joined in anyways. Dean's laughter was infectious and Castiel found himself laughing along to the stupidest of jokes.

"This is my little brother Sammmeh! Right, Slam?" Dean asked slurring his words and swaying back and forth on the bar stool. He was very enthusiastic when it came to talking to, or about, his brother.

Sam had been on the line for the last half an hour and Dean had introduced Castiel to him five times. Dean had been meaning to call a cab, but accidentally called Sam instead. The call lead Dean into the loop of "hey SAMMEH" and "this is Cas".

"Right, Dean," Sam said on the other line laughing to himself. "How much have you had to drink? You know that drinking can cause serious problems in your liver and damages to your heart?" Sam feared that Dean would end up as an old drunk with too many hospital bills, one day. Despite dean being only 23, Sam still worried.

"You know how smart this kid is?" Dean asked Cas. Cas shook his head. "Like really smart, like couple hundred and something on his SATs smart. You see like -he smart. I ain't no geniuses but this kid isa gonna be a lawyer and then he's gonna to live in a big houses with a beautifullll wife and I is gonna be that cool uncle that lets the rug rats eat ice cream for food time and watch horror movies when they way too young," Cas loved the way Dean talked about his brother, even with the lack of proper grammar, lack of proper words, and the vast amount of slang being used, it was wonderful to see. The way he was so proud and loved him with all his heart was adorable. Dean had said something earlier about raising Sam after his mom died which had broke and melted Castiel's heart.

"Dean you're drunk." Sam repeated slowly.

"You think Cas could be an uncle too. We'll all be your kid's uncles. Eh Cassy?" Dean called to Cas, but loud enough that the whole bar heard. Castiel nodded and he smiled his small smile.

"We'll all be Sam's kid's uncles!" Cas span around on the bar stool trying not to become too dizzy. A couple of people at the other end of the bar "whooped" and raised her drink to them. They were all going to be Sam's kid's uncles.

"That's my new friend Cas by the way," Dean said again stressing the word friend. Sam was slowly becoming more and more concerned, but this was the best entertainment he'd received all night. He'd been studying for what seemed like forever, law school was not easy.

"I know Dean. You've told me six times. Do you need me to call you a cab?" Sam asked laughing. Dean was an amusing drunk when he was drinking the right drink.

"Bro. Don't need to do it for me. You." He said mixing up his words. Sam sighed and said for Dean to call him in the morning if he wasn't too hung over. He also told Cas to watch Dean for him. Castiel agreed blindly and they hung up on Sam to finished their shots.

They left the bar a half an hour later with their arms around one an other, swaying back and forth to a song only they could hear. It was a strange sensation to both of them. They were being held up by one another dancing along too the beat of their hearts. The burn from the alcohol was fresh in their minds and their eyes could only see as far as their feet could walk.

The two of them stumbled around for a while until they both fell onto grass in the middle of a park. The park was almost deserted, but had the odd person going for a run or people on their way home from a night out like Cas and Dean, but those people were considerably less drunk.

"You hear that Cas?" Dean asked facing Cas laying on his side. The grass was soft on his face and felt good not to be standing up. The world stopped moving as he whispered in Castiel's ear.

"No?" Castiel scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. He could hear the background City noise and the barking of a dog in the distance, but nothing out of the ordinary. He only heard the regular background noises that were constantly surrounding them; their breathing, the wind, night owls, and car alarms in the distance. It was all there, but was not noticed by Dean because Dean was only listening for one sound.

"It's the stars. They're singing to us," Dean said and Castiel listened closely to Dean humming along with the stars. It was a sad song, but Dean sung it so well.

Castiel kissed Dean's lips and hummed along in perfect harmony. Castiel has not kissed Dean all night and it was very much killing him. He missed the taste of Dean and the way their lips fit together like puzzle pieces. But he would not dare risk kissing Dean in public.

They kissed until Castiel heard not only Dean and his stars, but someone else's foot steps. This caused Cas to grab Dean's hand and pull him up just to stumble behind some bushes. They were giggling like teenaged girls who had just gotten away with sneaking out for the first time. It was a miracle they weren't caught.

Castiel would swear it was a security guard of some sort, but he never saw the man. Before he could check who it was, he was laying on top of Dean in the grass. The only thing he could see were Dean's eyes and his lazy smile. The way his Dean's tongue sat between his teeth and the thousands of freckles on Dean's face looked like the stars above. There were so many of them and they seemed so far away. Dean took it upon himself to lean up and peck Cas' lips before Cas got off of Dean and sat next to him. They laid there staring up at the stars hand in hand for what felt like an eternity in itself before calling a taxi.

Cas had tried to tell Dean he needed to not sound drunk on the phone, but the first thing Dean said was "Mr. Taxi man we're very drunk come get us," Cas then proceeded to rip the phone out of his hand and talk the woman himself.

"Uhhhh sorry. We're across the street from like a diner place. Ugh small diner place. Called roadhouse. Please come. We're lost," The woman told him not to move and that the taxi was ten minutes away.

It was 5:00am when they got back to Castiel's place and the sun had began slowly creeping through the windows. Cas didn't have class that day and Dean wasn't starting his shift until 3:00pm so they stayed up sharing drunken kisses and stories.

Dean soon wrapped his arms around Cas and started leaving butterfly kisses along his neck as Cas was falling asleep. "Shhhhhhhhhhhhh, I like this," Castiel said turning to face Dean. He started humming the tone to Stairway to Heaven and closed his eyes.

"I'm going to have to get you drunk more often," Castiel said as he played with Dean's hair and stared into Dean's bright green eyes. Dean liked that idea very much.

"Do ya' know your eyes are seriously fucking blue. Like you know how blue they are? Like fucking blue, blue," Castiel laughed at him and Dean kissed the side of Cas' eye.

Castiel took on the impossible task of counting the freckles on Dean's face. He tried at the park, but it was too dark and nearly impossible. Each one was an individual and different from the last.

"Whatcha doing?" Dean asked with a lazy smile after letting Castiel poke at his numb face for a while.

"I am counting your freckles. There are so many of them, though. I don't know if I can," Castiel furrowed his eyebrows before sighing and giving up and defeat. "This is impossible."

"Probably. We're not going to remember any of this in the morning, you know?" Dean said leaning towards Cas. They let their foreheads touch for a minute before closing their eyes.

"I know," Castiel said letting his eyes flutter and getting comfortable in Dean's arms. "Dean, I wanna sleep"

"Go to sleep angel," Dean said playing with Castiel's hair as Cas snuggled into Dean's side. Cas wanted with every bone in his body to stay there and sleep next  
to Dean, but he knew that it was a terrible idea to even risk getting attached to someone. The thought of being caught or getting attached was strong enough to leave his lips without Castiel's permission.

"I don't think it's wise for us to be doing this," Castiel said opening his eyes.

"Doing what?" Dean asked keeping his own closed. He didn't know what Cas meant and didn't want to know. He had regrets, a lot of regrets and he didn't want to have any with Cas. Somethings are better left unsaid. He figured out early in the day that he liked Cas and connected with him. Maybe not entirely in a romantic way, but as friends at least.

"This," Cas said. "The kisses and the hand holding and the laying together and the date that's not a date and everything. This isn't smart. And this is your fault," Castiel said pouting and Dean opened his eyes to look at him hurt.

"How the fuck is this my fault?" Dean asked defensive. He was shocked at what Castiel had to say after they had spent the night feeling warm and being stupid together.

"Don't swear," Cas said and Dean nodded. "You make me crazy and reckless. You and your stupid beautiful eyes," Castiel would not meet Dean's eyes out of embarrassment and shame of what he was saying.

"So what? I don't care and neither should you. But tell me more about how I drive you crazy. I liked that part." Dean put his arm around Castiel's waist and pulled him closer. He liked that he did something to Cas and wanted to give him reassurance that it was okay. Just like how Cas did something to him and made him feel alright. They had not known each other long and they didn't think it would last much longer, but driving each other crazy was enough for now.

"Your eyes are too pretty. Your body makes me think thoughts I have buried. Your smile makes me want to hug you and the way you talk about music makes me want to listen to you forever and kiss your stupid face. But I can't do anything about it," Castiel sighed. He wouldn't have ever said any of this if he didn't have so much alcohol in his system.

"You can't or you don't wanna?" Castiel thought for a moment.

"I can't," he responded to Dean.

"Why not?" Dean looked down at Cas' lips and Cas looked at Dean's. They were centimetres away when Cas turned on his back.

"Because it's wrong." Castiel stated simply (though his words were far from simple). He was raised in a house where being gay was a sin, but he could still not give a valid reason to why it was. He was beyond confused at this point.

"It's not wrong. Even if it is who gives a fuck. I like you. You like me. We're not hurting anyone. Plus," Dean leaned towards Cas' ear and whispered, "you're not only one going crazy." Dean kissed Cas' neck and Castiel didn't say anything. "Go to sleep, angel," Dean kissed Castiel's cheek and Castiel looked at him nodding his head. He needed sleep. The world could wait until tomorrow.

"Thank you Dean," Castiel said. He wasn't sure exactly what he was thanking Dean for, but it felt right.

"Go to sleep Angel," Dean whispered again and the two closed their eyes one last time until morning. Asleep in each other's arms, drunk out of their minds and procrastinating the day's problems until the next.


	6. Chapter 6

"Shut up, Dean," Cas said leaning over his coffee maker as Dean sat at the table wishing the lights wouldn't be so 'in his face'. Both boys had raging headaches and it was a miracle that they got out of bed. Everything hurt. Hangovers were bitches and didn't spare either of them.

"You shut up, Cas," Dean said laying his head on the table. They weren't sure what happened the night before and they   
sure as hell didn't want to find out. Some things are better left a mystery.

"Will you both shut the fuck up? You woke me up a million times last night," Adam came out of the bedroom across from Cas'. Dean's eyes nearly popped out of his skull. Cas stood still in shock. A billion excuses flooded both of their minds, but refused to be said. Castiel suddenly became extremely aware that both him and Dean were only in their underwear. If Adam heard anything last night it was evident why Dean stayed over and that they weren't not actually strangers. How could they screw up so bad?

They forgot about Adam.

"Adam," Dean said lifting his head showing no further reaction. "First, shut up. And second I swear to god if you say anything to Sam or..." He threatened, but Adam cut him off.

"Chill, big bro, I saw nothing," Adam put up his hands in surrender and chuckled. Adam was surprised himself, not knowing exactly what he was walking into. "Last time I checked you two didn't even know each other?" Adam winked. Castiel blushed and hid his face, and Dean was visibly red.

Castiel's words echoed in Dean's head. You hardly know me. Cas was right, they didn't really know each other, but both of them were open to it. Dean was starting to like Cas more and more even if he couldn't remember why. Cas felt the same almost like it was easy to be around Dean.

"Even if we weren't strangers it is still none of your business," Castiel said pouring three cups of black coffee. He liked his with cream and sugar, but in that moment he needed to taste the caffeine.

"Alright, man. Just text me next time you need the apartment and I'll go to Charlie's. I don't give a shit about anything you do in there. I just don't want to listen to it." Both boys became a darker shade of red than before. "Oh I almost forgot. Sam called and asked me to check on you," Adam told Dean, "Apparently you and Castiel called him last night, a lot, and I suggest you call him back to clarify why you two were kicked out of two bars and why you are in my apartment this morning," Adam said enjoying the boys' looks of horror. Their jaws dropped. Dean could hardly remember leaving the record store. "Now, as much as I love these talks I have some business to attend to," Adam announced after checking his phone and throwing Dean a bottle of pain killers. 

"Adam don't ever mention this again or I'll kick your ass." He was dead serious. A threat from Dean was a promise. Adam wasn't interested in getting on Dean's bad side, or getting his ass kicked, so he nodded. He was still trying to earn his spot on Dean's good side and didn't want to risk going down the scale.

Adam was quick to grab a backpack from his room and make a swift exit.

The kitchen was quiet and the pair sat in near silence for half an hour trying to wake themselves up. Cas attempted to make a hangover remedy he found online with what he had in the fridge. It ended up tasting terrible and only somewhat working. Dean argued that the only cure was black coffee, aspirin, and bacon, but they didn't have bacon so Dean wasn't able to prove his theory.

"Do you remember anything from last night?" Castiel asked sitting next to Dean as they ate scrambled eggs.

"Pieces are coming back, but I'm not sure how right they are. I remember going to the bar and doing shots and some chick hitting on me, but I have no idea how we got kicked out or ended up back here."

"Call Sam and see what he knows," Castiel recommended. Dean got up from the table and went into Cas' room to call his brother. He wasn't exactly sure what he was going to say to Sam, or what Sam was going to say to him, and how he was going to explain the whole situation with Cas if he starts asking. Sam and Dean had a great relationship, they always looked out for one an other and tried not to keep secrets from one another, but this was not secret he was willing to tell, yet.

"Hey Sammy," Dean said as he picked up the phone. Sam didn't say a word and all Dean could hear was laughter on the other line. The laughter rang in Dean's ears and was severely unpleasant.

"Was it really that bad Sammy?" Dean winces and his brother responded with more laughing.

"Okay just tell me what we did so I can re live shit I don't remember doing," Dean sighed and he heard the door opening behind him. Castiel stepped into the room and motioned for Dean to put it on speaker.

"So you made this friend Cas and you introduced to me to him around around 10 times for starters, but from what I could make out last night was a that you and Cas did a duet." Cas' breath hitched. He couldn't sing and he was pretty sure Dean couldn't either.

"The song was Stairway To Heaven, and when Jimmy Page's guitar solo came on you walked off the stage and onto a table before being possessed by Page himself and doing a standing ovation worthy drunk guitar solo. When they told you to get off you told them to go fuck themselves or something like that. That was the first Bar you got kicked out of. I'm not entirely sure what you did the second time, but you as far as I could make out when you called, both of you started stripping on top of the pool table. Now that's not even the best part!" Sam is laughing again and Castiel has face planted into his pillow and groaned in embarrassment. "Who is that? Is that Cas? Tell him I say hi. Or did you bring home a stranger. Oh and how the hell did you end up at Adam's?" Sam asked.

"Shut up Sammy it is Cas. Just finish the damn story before I shoot myself in the head," Dean laid down next to Cas.

"So get this, when you were stripping you threw up on the pool table right into one of the pockets. After that you were escorted out by a security guard," It was Dean's turn to scream into the pillow and Castiel laughed. Dean slowly started laughing as well until he fell off the bed from laughing so hard.

"You have to be fucking with me Sammy," Dean says taking a breath. Everything Sammy knew was all they had to go on until their memory eventually restored itself, but it was far more than what they wanted to know.

Sam hung up the phone soon after giving them a lecture about drinking responsibly, and Cas and Dean laid side by side trying to laugh at what happened. "What time is it?" Dean asked turning towards Castiel.

"It's 2:31." Cas checked the alarm clock on his bedside table.

"Shit. I have to get to work by three. Bobby is going to be pissed." Dean jumped up and off the bed. "I still need to go get my car." He rushed around the room attempting to find his clothes. Bobby was already going to murder Dean once he saw him showing up to work completely hungover, he didn't want to die a second time for being late. Castiel got off the bed and tried to find the rest of Dean's clothes.

"Here just take one of my shirts and I will keep looking for your shirt," Cas said after not being able to find Dean's shirt through the mess of the room. What really happened last night? It's like a tornado came through here. Castiel thought pushing through blankets and clothes thrown on the floor to get to his small closet. He didn't have many clothes since most of his money went towards paying for college, but it seemed like more than half of them were on the floor. Castiel through Dean a plain white shirt with a V-neck line and Dean mumbled thanks pulling it over his head and putting on his jeans and boots. His hair was beyond messed up and he looked like he had been through hell and back.

"How do I look?" He asked holding his arms out.

"You look good, Dean," Cas said walking towards him and fixing his hair. He smoothed it out in the back before Dean put his arms on Cas' waist, leaned towards him, and kissed his lips unannounced. Cas' welcomed the small act of affection, but time was of the essence and Dean had to leave.

The two walked into the main area and Dean did up his laces while Cas retrieved the leather jacket. He was going to have to run to the record store if he wanted to make it to work on time.

"See ya, Angel?" Dean asked opening the door to the apartment. Cas nodded and went to kiss Dean again before he left. It was a short kiss, but was long enough to satisfy both of them. "What was that for?" Dean asked smiling stopping in his tracks.

"For luck. I suggest you start running." Dean laughed quietly, nodding, and closed the door behind him.

He quickly took the lift down to the front of the building and started running towards the record store. They say that exercise helps with hangovers and he prayed to god they're right because at that moment everything ached. He probably looked ridiculous running down the street in jeans and a leather jacket, but Bobby warned him about showing up late again and he really didn't want to end up with the night shift this weekend. Dean worked at a garage open 20 hours every day, and with that came some really shitty hours.

"Hey you're that guy who puked on the pool table last night?" A girl came up Dean on the side walk as he had finally been reunited with his baby outside the record store. He walked around his beautiful car making sure no punks tried to vandalize her. This wasn't the safest part of town and he wanted to make sure there wasn't any damages.

"Uh I think you have the wrong guy?" Dean said like it was a question looking up from behind the car. He didn't want to hear about anything last night. It all was too embarrassing to process.

"Wasn't it you and that other hot guy, I saw you two at chuck's," Dean quickly as the girl with the Blondie Album and piercings. "I'm Ruby,"

"Dean, and I'm kind of late so I really need to get going. Good talkin' to yeah," He got into the car and the girl walked around as Dean opened the window sighing to himself. What did she want? His head started hurting the more she talked.

"If you ever want to talk again here is my number, you guys were awesome and I hope maybe if you and I could get together sometime," You'd have to be blind to not realize how gorgeous Ruby was. She had big brown eyes outlined in sharp black eyeliner, and short brown hair. The way she dressed was grunge chic. She looked very sophisticated, polished, if you would. The way she carried herself with confidence and intelligence. She seemed a little too cleaned up for Dean, maybe more of Sam's type, if Sam wasn't with his long term girlfriend, Jessica.

"Maybe we could." Dean smiled at her and with a wink he pulled out of the parking spot and speed down the road towards the garage. He had exactly 4 minutes until he had to be at work. Dean almost felt slightly guilty for taking Ruby's number since he had just left Cas' and was currently wearing his t-shirt, but they weren't dating. Him and Cas weren't really anything, to the point Dean wasn't even sure what their title was; friends with benefits? Their title didn't matter because Dean knew he was still a free man. He could do whatever he wanted and when a beautiful girl gives you her number you take it. He didn't think he would end up using it, but keeping it for a rainy day wouldn't hurt.

He was speeding down the road at a faster speed than was safe, but he needed to be at work. It may seem like something small, but he didn't want to fail Bobby like he failed Lisa. With Lisa it was like he wasn't present for the last year. It was the same with Bobby and Sam, but it was easier to ignore them than her. Dean felt like Lisa dumping him was a wakeup call. It was like this was his chance to completely start over. Lisa was a giant part of his life so now that she's gone things are going to have to change. He wasn't sure how things were going to change and he doubted he was going to stop drinking, but maybe he could at least make sure he is doing his job right. Always showing up on time and even drinking less on the nights he had to work in the morning.

When Dean was first out of high school, Bobby caught him drinking with some friends late one night. They were shit faced like they had been ever since school ended. The morning after, Bobby sat him down, looked him in the eyes, and said, "What's your plan, boy? I know Sammy has his ideas of what he wants to do. I hear about them all the goddamn time, but you never say anything about your future. Hell I don't care if you go to school as long as you have a job and can support yourself. As far as I know right now you'll end up living here forever. What are you going to do? You're a smart kid, smarter than you give yourself credit for. I don't want that to go to waste." Dean remembered this conversation better than any other one that he had, had with the old man because it had snapped him out of his drunken daze and made him realize he couldn't do this forever. It was the next day that Dean accepted Bobby's invitation to work at the garage with him. The look on his face was proud and relieved, that Dean was finally taking some initiative and doing something about his life. Dean realized a year later why Bobby had wanted him to get some direction so badly. He didn't want Dean to end up like John, Dean's biological father.

The garage was a small place they reeked of oil and gasoline. There was one office, a waiting room with a secretary, and a small break room that was taken up by a a table, a fridge, and three chairs.

Dean arrived exactly at three o'clock.

"You're just on time Dean," said Balthazar, the secretary, as he walked inside the main area.

"Hell yeah I am!" He gave Balthazar a high five and clocked in. Dean head straight for the back office where Bobby let him keep his extra jumpsuits in a small closet behind the desk. He closed the door and put the jumpsuit over top of his clothes before going out into the main garage where he was working on removing an after market alarm that someone tried installing in their car.

"Hey Bobby," Dean said walking past his uncle. Bobby wasn't his biological uncle, but he was as close to one Dean was ever going to get.

"Dean," He grumbled and took his head out from under the hood of a car to address the boy. This was their routine. Dean shows up, Bobby looks at the clock and away to see he's on time, and then depending on if he is or not Bobby will continue working on whatever car he has or Dean will get a lecture about being on time. "Come give me a hand here for a second, boy," Bobby said standing back from the car.

They worked on a 2007 Honda in silence until Bobby chose to speak. "So how's Lisa?" he asked. Dean had not yet told Bobby yet about her breaking up with him. He had kind of avoided the topic with everyone except Sam, and Cas. Ash found out and he would probably get the word out so that Dean wouldn't have to.

"We broke up, I told Jody I figured she would've passed to message along," Dean said emotionless. Bobby stopped what he was doing and stared at Dean, instantly worried. Dean's coping mechanisms weren't healthy ones. "I'm fine Bobby. I saw it coming,"

"You sure? You were with her for a long time," Bobby pointed out.

"Yes, I'm fine. We had our fair share of problems. Don't worry about me. It was about time. How are Jody, Alex, and Claire?" Dean asked.

Jody was a family friend who checked on Bobby when Dean couldn't, make sure he was eating right and not passed out drunk somewhere. She was like a mother figure growing up and cared about the boys. Jody had too adopted daughters named Alex and Claire who Dean considered sisters. Whenever he was around the two girls his big brother instincts kicked in which lead them to constantly trying to get Dean off their backs. If you ever asked them about Dean or even Sam they'd say they're we're a pain in their ass'.

"They're doing alright. Apparently Alex got herself a boyfriend." That was enough to slap Dean out of his Lisa slump.

"No," Dean said. "She can't do that. She's what? 15? 16? Too young for that crap," He shook his head shocked.

"It's her choice. She can do whatever the hell she wants and you can't do shit about it," Bobby said.

"As long as she's careful and doesn't get her heart broken by this asshole," Dean mumbled. He didn't like the idea of his little sister having a boyfriend and wasn't sure he would ever get used to it.

"Jesus, Dean. You haven't even met the kid," Bobby chuckled at Dean.

"Yeah, well, I don't have to. He's a high school boy," Dean said wincing with discomfort.

"You know it wasn't that long ago you and Sam were high school guys,"

"I know. I still remember how those little fuckers think which is why it's better if Alex and Claire don't fuck around with them,"

"Watch your mouth and hand me that wrench,"

"Yes, sir," Dean obliged.

The men worked in silence after that, passing tools back and forth. They had their own rythme that worked.

"How 'bout you come over tonight for supper tonight. The girls are coming over Jody would love to see you. That is if you're not too busy to hang out with your family," Bobby said after a minute. 

"How could I ever turn down one of Jody's meals?" He said with a smile even though he had declined every invite that Bobby had given him to go eat with them for the last two months or so. He wanted to start over and to do that he would need to face Jody and her wrath.

***

"Dean, get your butt in here mister or so help me," Jody yelled from the kitchen as he walked into Bobby's house. He knew it was coming. He had avoided being around almost everyone for the last couple of months and he was going to here about it.

Jody was an everyday badass. She took in Alex and Claire as foster children and quickly adopted them when they were 7 and 8. When she's not being a mom or worrying about Dean and Sam she was kicking criminal ass out on the streets as the town's sheriff. She had a brown pixie hair cut and wide eyes. She was smaller than Dean like most other people, but her looked screamed authority and demanded respect.

"Hey Jody," He hugged her and then went to each of the girls and hugged them from behind lifting them slightly off the ground. They were peeling potatoes and Dean was dead set on making them stop.

"Ugh Dean get off," Claire said trying to get out of his grasp. "I have a knife and will cut your genitals off,"

Claire, was an actual badass with a great heart. She was constantly taking on the biggest guy in the room. Standing up for the little guy and taking on monster's of the world was what she loved, but got her into more trouble than not. Whether it was because of the fact that she was only 5'5 or looked like a Barbie with her blonde hair and blue eyes she felt like she had to prove herself and would fight until she died. Dean always though that her fashion and music taste came from him as they shared a love for flannels, leather jackets, and rock music.

"Alright, Alright. I surrender." Dean put his hands up and was smiling at them.

"Where have you been the last few months and why have you decided to return?" Alex asked rolling her eyes and handing him a potato and a knife.

Alex, was miss popular at school as far as Dean knew. She was a prep and homecoming queen. People seemed to gravitate towards her and she was constantly getting into her own kind of trouble. Not the same as Claire, but Alex was a bit of a party girl. You could almost say the two of them were complete opposites. Alex had Dark Brown and blue eyes that popped. She was always following trends and dressed like one of the girls that was plastered all over Instagram

"Glad to see you missed me, Al," He said sarcastically and rolling his eyes back at her.

"Wouldn't kill you to check in every once and a while. We've missed you around here. I worry." Jody crossed her arms and looked at Dean expectantly.

"I'm sorry. I know I should've called," Dean apologized not bothering with an explanation. He knew whatever explanation he gave she'd know it wasn't the truth, but telling her he had been drunk for the last few weeks wasn't an option. She would actually beat him.

"Me and you are going to have a chat later." He nodded his head knowing whether or not he said yes they were going to talk. Bobby probably told her about the showing up at work hungover or even a little intoxicated still. Dean expected it when he accepted the invitation.

"So Al, tell me about this boyfriend of yours." Dean smirked bumping shoulders with Alex. She pretended not to hear the tease in his voice.

"What's there to know?" She asked uninterested in Dean's antics.

"Like why on Earth would you ever want to date a high school guy. They're pigs and spray themselves with Axe instead of showering," He scrunched his nose, but he knew exactly what she was she saw in them. Once upon a time Dean was a high school boy himself and was interested in other high school boys just like Alex was. Looking back Dean had realized there was only one real explanation why; hormones.

"Are you describing high school guys or yourself?" Claire smelt his shirt and laughed.

"Hey! I'm not that bad," Dean smelt his own. I don't even use axe. But he definitely did smell like it. It took him a minute to realize that it Cas's t-shirt that smelt like cologne. Dean almost blushed realizing it, but kept it to a small smile. It was very hard not to smile when he thought of what him and Cas had done the night before, no matter how embarrassing. Despite how much he had told Cas it wasn't a date, Dean saw it as one.

"And neither is Henry,"Alex defended her boyfriend.

"Okay, sure. Just be careful and don't do anything I wouldn't do," Dean said.

"Is there anything you wouldn't do?" Claire asked. She was quite observant of Dean and Dean didn't like it one bit. It was hard to lie her because she could always figure out when he was.

"I wouldn't do anything stupid." He said to Claire before looking directly at Alex to make sure she got the point.

"Agree to disagree," Claire mumbled with a sheepish grin and Alex giggled.

"Hey!" Jody warned Claire and Dean.

"What are y'all bickering about in here?" Bobby walked into the kitchen.

"Okay, Bobby. Switch with Claire and Dean," Jody ordered before pointing at the family rebels. "You two. Out." Nobody argued and Dean left with Claire to sit on Bobby's porch. There were two chairs and a long wooden bench that was covered in cushions. The night air was cool, but not cold enough to grab a jacket.

"So? Who's the girl? I honestly didn't think you'd move on from Lisa this fast. How long were you with her like 5 years?" Claire asked sitting down in a chair.

"What girl?" Dean crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at her. "And it was technically only three considering how many breaks we had,"

"Shit. How did you even stay together that long?" He shrugged honestly not knowing the answer. "So who is she?" Claire asked again.

"I don't know what you're talking about. There isn't anybody," He lied right through his teeth.

"Come on. You don't wear cologne cause you always end up spraying too much, and I know for a fact that smile on your face was the 'I'm into someone' smile. So in conclusion the cologne is perfume, and the smile was cause you found someone new," Claire stated the facts right before Dean's eyes, but he was not going down without a fight.

"Nope. You read the signs wrong," he said looking her in the eyes.

"I know you better than you know yourself so don't even play that game. Who is she?" she said crossing her arms and mimicking what he was doing.

"There isn't anyone,"

"Yes, there is,"

"No, there isn't,"

"Then explain who it isn't," She broke him. She always does.

"Okay. Shut up and It's not like that," Dean bit his lip and gave in.

"Oh so it's just a casual hook up?" She asked.

"We're friends," He stated honestly.

"With benefits?" She looked so smug.

"No- I don't know. First of all don't mention any of this to Bobby or Jody or Alex. It's just something that's helping me get over Lisa I guess and whatever I'm dealing with. Sure, I like them. We're friends, but right now I'm just figuring things out and so is he. I didn't want to tell you, but since you forced it out of me," Dean stopped his rant and sighed. He was always weirdly honest with the girls. Especially Claire since they were so similar, but he it only took a second before he felt like he had said too much.

"He?" Claire bit her lips and smiled. Shit. I said he? I said he. I said he?!

"What? No, I didn't. Claire. I'm not gay." He blew it. He could feel it. There was no hiding it from her. He could deny it all he wanted, but nothing could convince her otherwise. She knew he was lying.

"No you said he. But hey! Don't worry about it," She put her hand on his arm, "I'm cool, honest. It doesn't matter to me if you're into guys or girls or I guess in your case both?" She was smiling a little too much for Dean's liking. "I couldn't care less." Dean's face was in his hands stressed, but relieved. It was like a weight was off his shoulders, but another one was put on in its place. He had to make sure that Claire didn't tell anyone. How could he have slipped up just like that?

"You can't tell anyone. Not even Alex," Dean stressed. It was important to him that when he did tell them he was going to be the one to do it.

"Okay, I wont. I promise." She took a minute to put thoughts in order before speaking again. "Since we're doing the whole 'everything on the table thing'," she said taking a breath. "I have something to tell you, but you can't tell them either. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure. What is it?" He asked worried. "God this sounds like you're going to tell me you're pregnant?" He chuckled before a sudden look of worry crossed his face.

"NO! God no," Claire laughed and Dean calmed down.

"I'm not pregnant, but -I thought you already knew- but - okay- I'm um" She took a breath and moved next to him on the bench. "Really bad at this," she chuckled nervously. Dean was probably as nervous as she was.

"Hey, you're alright," he automatically put his arm around her.

"I like chicks not dicks," Dean took a second to process before he pulled her closer and squeezed her as tight as possible without hurting her. He kissed her head before he laughed. He wasn't always good at words so he let his actions speak for him.

"You realize there are so many other ways to say you're a lesbian? The fact that you chose those exact words confirmes you are my sister," He said smiling and hugging her. She responded with a laugh of her own and nodded her head.

"Did you know?" She asked hugging Dean back and putting her head on his chest she was shocked at the sudden burst of affection, but welcomed it as tears formed in her eyes out of pure joy and relief.

"I'm not surprised, but I didn't know, Claire. I'm glad you told me," he said softly. She started crying. Dean stroked her hair.

He had suspected once or twice that Claire wasn't exactly "straight", but he would have never said it out loud.

"I love you, kid, and this changes nothing, I promise. Well almost nothing..." He smiled looking down at her. "I'm going to have to stop teasing you about getting a boyfriend."

"And I'm going to start teasing you about you getting one," she laughed and wiped a tear away from her eye. Dean hadn't see her cry in years. He had a feeling she felt the same relief as he did and needed a moment. Dean had stressed about telling his family since he first figured out that he was bi and imagined Claire doing the same. Telling each other, was the first step to telling everyone else.

"Thank you, Dean," Claire said using his shirt to wipe her eyes. Her makeup was smudged, but he she still looked so beautiful, like she was finally free. Dean isn't always the easiest to talk to so he understood why she was probably stressed about telling him. She took her first step outside of an internal cage, they both did.

"Anytime, kid,"

****

"Dean, I know why you haven't been coming over," Jody said. She was washing the dishes and Dean was drying them. He stayed quiet. He thought that she might have already known, but didn't want to confirm anything. "And you know what I'm going to say right? Hell I'm sure you don't need me to say another word, but like I said earlier I worry. More than I probably should, but as a mom it's part of my job. I know I'm not your mom, but I want you to know that I care about you and will do everything in my power to try and help you. All you need to do is ask and I'll be over in a minute,

"Ever since Sam left I know that you've been as worried about him as I have and it hasn't been easy. You two were closer than any brothers I've ever known, but just because he is gone doesn't mean you can cut us out. We are your family, Dean and I should be slapping you for being so stupid, but I don't see how that would do any good,

"Imagine if Alex and Claire were in your place. What would you do?" Dean was still quiet. "I'll tell you what you would do. You would lock them in their rooms and keep them there until they got clean. It's what Bobby has been considering for you," she chuckled lightly, but Dean could see the sadness in her eyes. "I get you're not going to stop drinking, but get yourself in order. Showing up to work drunk and hungover; that's not you, Dean. You're better than that. If Bobby wasn't your boss you would have been fired already and the last thing Bobby wants is for him to have to fire you. Don't do that to him. He loves working in the garage with you even if he doesn't show it cause he's an emotionless bag of crap sometimes. Point is, get yourself in order," She hugged him and he knew that she cared. 

He was getting sloppy and he knew it. It was stupid for him to show up to work like that. That wasn't him. That was John. She didn't have to say it, but he knew what she was getting at. That's why she was worried. She thought that there was a chance Dean was going to end up like his father. It hurt him that she thought even for a moment that he could be like him, but with how he had been acting, he thought, he deserved to be hurt.

"I got a call today, from John," Dean stood back from Jody shocked and angered snapping out of thought. Why was he calling? Does he even know Sam left? The dumb fuck probably just needs money.

"What did he say?" Dean pretending that he didn't care, but there was a fire burning behind his eyes.

"Nothing new, I thought I should tell you though. He was thinking about coming to see you. I told him to go fuck himself," Dean was visibly upset no matter how much he tried to hide it Jody saw through his strong facade. Memories of the days he lived with John flashed before his eyes. The amount of pain he cause him and Sam hurt more now than it did back then. Some wounds never heal and the ones John left still bleed.

Dean nodded this was too much for one day. He didn't wanted to see John and couldn't even fathom trying to face him. Every time he saw him, Dean became a scared little kid again. It never got easier and it has gotten to the point where it is best if John stays as far as he can from Dean.

"I can keep him away for now, but I can't control him. Eventually you're going to face him and when you do I want you to be able to look at him and say that you aren't him and are never going to end up like him. You got that?" Jody said and Dean stood up straight.

"Yes, ma'me," He said seriously. He wiped his hands on his pants realizing how late it was and overall this visit had taken a bit of a toll on his emotions, "It's getting late I need to get home,"

"There is some left over pie in the fridge from the other night. Take it home with you or the old man will eat it all,"

"Bless you, Jody," He moved to the fridge and took out the pie out and set it on to the table. "Thank you for everything. Dinner was great. Honestly, thank you," 

"Alright, drive safe," She wiped her hands on a towel and then reached up to hug him. He kissed her cheek before going into the main room to say good bye to the girls and Bobby.

"I'm leaving, I'll see y'all later," Dean said hugging Alex then Claire. He loved them both to death and always wanted to be there for them. He got to be there for Claire that night and he only wished she knew how much it meant to him that she trusted him enough to tell her secret. "I'll see you tomorrow, Bobby," He waved goodbye to everyone looking extra long at Claire before parting.

The cool night air felt amazing on his skin as he entered his car and rolled the windows down. Next to him on his seat was the record that he bought for Castiel, Physical Graffiti, by Led Zeppelin. Castiel. His name was so unique to Dean. It was beautiful sounding and original. After driving home for a half an hour thinking about Cas and Claire and his father he decided just to call Cas. He was the best distraction from his father other than alcohol and as of right then he was done with drinking during the week.

"Hey, Angel," Dean said with a smile as Castiel picked up the phone.

"Hello, Dean," Castiel answered. "Did you make it to work on time?"

"Yeah. I think maybe next time I stay the night I'll set a reminder on my phone," Dean smiled. He imagined Castiel blushing on the other end of the phone. "I still have your record here by the way,"

"Oh right. I forgot about that, thank you. When should I get it?" Cas ignored Dean's comment about staying the night. He knew it would probably happen, but hearing Dean say it out loud sent a thousand butterflies loose in his stomach.

"How about Friday? Eight o'clock? My place? I'll cook,"

"You cook?" Castiel sounded honestly surprised. Dean got that a lot, but when you love food like he does, you learn how to cook.

"Yeah I do," Dean confirmed.

"I would like that. This isn't a date though, right? I don't want you to get the wrong idea?"

"Nope, just two friends hanging out, eating some food, and watching a movies." Dean already thought it through. If Castiel didn't want to go on a real date, they didn't need to call it that, but just because it wasn't being called a date, didn't mean he couldn't treat Cas to dinner. He enjoyed Castiel's presence and wanted to get to know him better sober. It didn't matter what it was called.

"Alright, Friday. I'm looking forward to it,"

"Great. I'll pick you up,"

"Dean, you don't have to-"

"I'm going to pick you up," Dean told him. "You live five minutes away,"

"Which is why I can walk,"

"I am going to drive you. I don't care how close you are,"

"Aright,"

"Good. Now tell me, Angel?" Dean had a smirk on his face. "What are you wearing ?" 

"Dean... We are not having phone sex," Cas almost choked on his own saliva, shocked at how forward Dean was. He was flustered and blushing a deep red.

"I'm kidding, Cas. I just like hearing you get flustered. I'm driving anyways," Dean laughed a bit at Castiel. 

"You suck,"

"I know, babe," Castiel could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Shut up. I need to go study,"

"Alright, talk to you later, Angel,"

"Goodbye, Dean." Castiel hung up. 

Dean sat driving smile on his face. Friday is most definitely a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry I took so long to post! I kept re writing this chapter again and again, but I hope you like it!


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